Fatherless: Learning to Trust a God You Can’t See

I never called anyone “Dad.” Not once. Not ever.

My father died when I was four years old. He was a veteran, a decorated hero who earned two Purple Hearts in combat. I’ve always been proud of that. But the truth is—I grew up with his picture, not his presence.

And that absence shaped my life in ways I’m still understanding even now at 63 years old.

When you grow up without a father, there’s no one to toss the football with. No one to show you how to fix a car. No one to teach you how to be a man.

And for me, that absence created two things: a deep sense of abandonment, and a fierce, stubborn independence.

Becoming My Own Coach – Fatherless

I loved football. My family was obsessed with the Dallas Cowboys. My mom was a massive fan. In the mid-to-late ’60s, we were regulars at home games—sitting in the end zone of the Cotton Bowl. It was magic.

But while everyone else just watched the game, I studied it.

I didn’t have a dad to teach me how to play, so I learned from watching the best. I mimicked Don Meredith’s throws, studied Bullet Bob Hayes’ routes, and watched Bob Lilly’s every move on the defensive line. On away games, I was glued to the TV, predicting screen passes and draw plays like I was calling the shots.

Eventually, when I made a football team, my coach told my mom he couldn’t believe how much I already knew. He was shocked.

But I wasn’t.

Because when you are fatherless, you either learn to teach yourself—or you fall behind.

The Psychology of Abandonment

Psychologists say children who grow up without a father often experience:

• Low self-esteem

• Fear of rejection

• Difficulty trusting authority figures—including God

• A relentless pressure to perform for love

I didn’t need a textbook to know that was true. I lived it.

And yet, even in that pain, scripture speaks directly to the heart of abandonment:

“Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.”

— Psalm 27:10 (NLT)

When I felt overlooked, God saw me.

When I felt fatherless, He remained.

The Damage Done in the Silence

The hardest part wasn’t just what I missed from my dad. It was what I absorbed from my mom.

Nothing I ever did seemed to be enough for her.

When I succeeded, the bar just moved.

When I failed, I felt like I confirmed her low expectations.

And when a child grows up without a father to affirm them, and a mother who constantly criticizes, they don’t just feel abandoned… they start to believe they’re unworthy of love.

But scripture cuts through that lie like a sword:

“You are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.”

— Isaiah 43:4 (NLT)

I didn’t hear that from my parents. But God says it over me every day.

Fatherhood with No Reference Point

When I became a father, I had no blueprint.

I didn’t know how to model compassion. I pushed too hard. I expected too much. I thought discipline was the same as direction. And I’m sure I got a lot wrong.

But I never stopped showing up. I supported my kids in everything. Today, they are strong, hard-working adults. That came from both Wendy and me.

And God’s grace covered what I didn’t know how to do.

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.”

— Psalm 68:5 (NIV)

God didn’t just step into the gap. He became the father I didn’t have—and helped me be the father I wanted to be.

A Fatherless Faith

The hardest spiritual hurdle I faced was learning to trust God the Father—because I didn’t know what a father was.

“Father God” felt cold, unreachable, disconnected.

I feared Him more than I trusted Him.

Because deep down, I didn’t believe I was lovable.

But over time, God rewrote that story.

“See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!”

— 1 John 3:1 (NLT)

When I became a dad and felt my own love for my children, it changed everything.

I started to believe God could feel that way about me.

He wasn’t disappointed. He was delighted. Not because I was perfect—but because I was His.

The Long Road Through Loss

There were so many moments when I felt abandoned:

• Trying to potty train my toddler after my marriage fell apart

• Sitting alone in the house after my wife left

• Wondering if I’d ever be good enough for anyone to truly love me

• Burying all three of my sisters, one after another

• Hearing Wendy’s cancer diagnosis

• Holding her hand as she slipped away

• Screaming at God when she died

• Staring at the ceiling asking, “What now?”

But here’s what I now know:

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

— Hebrews 13:5 (NIV)

God didn’t remove the storms.

But He never left me alone in them.

Grace in the Abandonment when Fatherless

I no longer see fatherlessness as a curse.

It broke me.

It drove me.

But more importantly, it led me to depend on a Father who never fails.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

— Psalm 34:18 (NLT)

He healed me one wound at a time.

He carried me when I couldn’t move.

He forgave me when I chased the wrong things to fill the void.

He led me to Wendy—proof that He knew exactly what I needed.

And He’s still with me today.

Where Healing Begins

Everything I’ve shared in this post is true—but none of the healing I’ve experienced would’ve been possible without Jesus Christ.

My journey started when I was six years old, sitting in a room at Vacation Bible School. I didn’t know all the theology, but I knew this: I needed a Savior.

That day, I accepted Christ as my Savior—and I’ve never regretted it. Not once. That decision, made by a little boy with more hurt than understanding, became the foundation of the healing I’ve walked through ever since.

“For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.”

— 2 Corinthians 5:21 (NLT)

If you’re searching for the kind of peace, restoration, and purpose I’ve described—it begins with a relationship with God the Father. And that relationship can only start through His Son, Jesus Christ.

Salvation is free. And it’s not complicated.

Here’s what it takes:

• Recognize that you’re a sinner in need of forgiveness.

• Believe that Jesus lived a perfect life, died on the cross for your sins, and rose again on the third day.

• Confess Him as your Lord and Savior.

“If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

— Romans 10:9 (NLT)

That’s how the relationship begins. That’s how healing begins. That’s how you stop walking alone.

If You Grew Up Fatherless…

You’re not broken beyond repair.

You’re not disqualified.

You’re not unloved.

You’re seen.

You’re known.

And you have a Father who’s never missed a moment of your story.

“I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters,” says the Lord Almighty.

— 2 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)

He’s not the father who left.

He’s the Father who stayed.

Other Blogs in this Series

This is Part 2 of our blog series on loneliness and the cross.

If you haven’t read the earlier posts, start with:

Introduction: When You Feel Alone: A Journey of Loneliness and the Cross

Part 1: Alone on the Cross: When Even God Feels Far Away

Call to Action

📌 Follow our series on Facebook:

👉 facebook.com/discipleblueprint

📖 Read the full series here:

👉 discipleblueprint.com/category/loneliness

📬 Subscribe to the monthly newsletter for more hope, healing, and grace-filled truth.