God Can Use Grief for Good – Finding Purpose in Pain

Grief is a powerful and overwhelming emotion. If you’ve experienced it, you know how it can completely alter your world. I am finding purpose in pain. When I lost my wife, Wendy, grief became my constant companion. And then I read Romans 8:28—words I had read countless times before—but this time, they hit differently.

Romans 8:28 (NLT): “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

“How can you say everything works together for good?” That was my first reaction. Losing Wendy was not good. It hurt deeply. It still does. If I stopped at just the first part of the verse—“God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God”—it wouldn’t make sense. But as I sat with this verse in my sorrow, I realized I had missed something crucial. The verse continues: “and are called according to his purpose for them.”

"A broken clay pot repaired with golden seams, placed on a wooden table with warm light highlighting its beauty, symbolizing transformation and purpose in brokenness. — Beauty in brokenness—God takes our pain and transforms it into something purposeful and beautiful.

God’s Big Picture – Finding Purpose in Pain

Wendy lived out her purpose. She touched lives, showed incredible faith, and glorified God every single day. But me? God isn’t finished with me yet. Losing Wendy revealed a new layer of my purpose. Through this blog and this grief series, I’ve discovered why I’m still here. God’s purpose for my life isn’t done.

Perhaps this blog exists because someone needs to read these words. Or maybe it’s to guide others in their walk with God through Disciple Blueprint. Whatever the reasons, God is using my pain to give me clarity on His purpose for me. I am finding purpose in pain.

An older bald, chubby man journaling at a wooden table, with tears streaming down his face, illuminated by the soft glow of a nearby lamp. — In the quiet moments, healing begins—writing through the pain to find purpose and hope.

Grief as Growth

This journey has not been easy. Writing this series has brought me to tears, stolen my sleep, and forced me to confront deep pain. It has been emotionally draining. But through it, I am growing. It reminds me of my days playing sports when coaches pushed me to work harder, even in the weight room. After lifting weights, I always felt soreness, but the results—growth in strength—were worth it. My coach would say, “No Pain, No Gain.”

That principle applies to grief too. The pain is intense, but through it, I am growing spiritually. I’m more disciplined in my Bible study and more intentional in my faith. Wendy’s legacy inspires me to emulate her daily walk with God. The pain doesn’t feel good, but the growth is undeniable.

A gym scene with a set of weights on the floor and the phrase 'No Pain, No Gain' glowing prominently on the wall, symbolizing perseverance and growth through effort. — Growth requires effort—’No Pain, No Gain’ reminds us that challenges lead to strength and purpose.

The Choice Is Yours

As I reflect on all I’ve learned, I am reminded of Charles Swindoll’s quote about attitude:

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”

We can’t control the heartache we face, but we can control how we respond. Will you choose an attitude of gratitude for the time you had with your loved one, knowing you’ll be reunited one day? Or will you choose despair and let grief consume you? The choice is yours.

Since my 20s, one verse has been my anchor through life’s storms, including divorce, health struggles, job loss, and grief. Philippians 4:8 reminds me to focus on the good:

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Even in grief, this verse challenges me to dwell not on what I’ve lost, but on what is true—God’s promises, Wendy’s legacy, and the hope of being reunited again.

An open Bible on a wooden table with Romans 8:28 highlighted in soft yellow, illuminated by warm golden light, surrounded by a cup of coffee and flowers — And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God.’ – Romans 8:28 ✨ Find hope in His purpose.

Practical Steps to Finding Purpose in Pain

Seek God Daily: Spend time in prayer and Scripture to better understand His purpose for your life.
Share Your Story: Use your experience to encourage others who are grieving.
Honor Their Legacy: Reflect on how you can live in a way that honors your loved one’s faith and impact.
Focus on What Is Ahead: Don’t dwell on what you’ve lost; dwell on God’s promises of eternal hope.
Surround Yourself with Support: Lean on a community of faith, family, and friends.

Other Blogs in This Series

Poems about this Blog Series

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