God’s Love Isn’t Earned
Have you ever felt like love had to be earned—like you had to prove yourself to be worthy of affection, acceptance, or even forgiveness? Many of us carry this weight, striving to measure up, only to feel like we fall short. But God’s love is radically different. It’s not based on what we do but on who He is. This blog explores the profound truth that God’s love isn’t earned—a truth that has the power to transform how we see ourselves, others, and our relationship with Him.
A Tale of Two Loves
Growing up, I experienced two very different kinds of love. My mother was an extremely negative person and especially hard on me. I desperately wanted her approval, but no matter how hard I tried, it was never enough. Until high school, I was a straight-A student. But when I got a C in geometry, everything changed. I worked hard to improve, even getting tutoring from my old algebra teacher, and eventually got back on track with A’s. Yet that single C was unacceptable to my mother. She constantly reminded me of it, as if it defined me.
Working to Earn Love
At 15, I worked tirelessly to save for my first car—a 1965 Mustang my brother-in-law was selling for $650. That summer, I worked for the Dallas Independent School District, mowing and edging school properties in one of the hottest summers on record. I didn’t miss a single day and saved almost every dollar, spending only $5 per paycheck. I finally bought the car with my own money, only to hear my mother say it probably wouldn’t get out of the parking lot because I didn’t have insurance.
When I turned 16, I got my license and my second job at Braum’s Ice Cream Shop, working 30-40 hours a week while maintaining my grades while paying for my insurance, gas and clothes. Yet even then, it wasn’t enough. My mother constantly told me I’d never amount to much. Her love felt very conditional, based entirely on achievements I couldn’t seem to meet.
My Grandmother’s Love
In stark contrast, my grandmother, who lived with us, loved me unconditionally. She encouraged me, celebrated me, and taught me. Before I even started first grade, I was reading at a third-grade level and could do addition, subtraction, and multiplication—all thanks to her. She even used dominoes to teach me math. One day in first grade, I finished all my work and, feeling bored, decided to walk home without permission. When the principal called to check if I was home, my grandmother confirmed I was—and then made me cut a switch from the backyard for discipline. Yet even after disciplining me, she still loved me unconditionally. I might have even gotten banana pudding for dessert that evening.
Their Passing
When my grandmother passed away when I was 18, it was one of the hardest losses I’d ever experienced at the time. On the other hand, when my mother passed away, it felt like a burden had been lifted. What a contrast: a grandmother who loved me deeply without conditions and a mother whose love I couldn’t earn, no matter what I achieved. These experiences taught me what it’s like to believe I didn’t deserve love—and how transformative unconditional love can be.
A Modern Prodigal Story
Imagine a young man who takes his inheritance early and leaves home, dreaming of freedom and excitement. He moves to San Francisco, where he falls into drug addiction, spending everything he has. Homeless and surrounded by others struggling with addiction, mental disorders, and PTSD, he realizes how far he has fallen. Having hit bottom and feeling unworthy and broken, he decides to return home, expecting rejection.
But his father’s reaction shocks him. His father, overjoyed, runs to embrace him instead of reacting with anger. The father arranges for rehab and supports his recovery, showing unconditional love. The young man did everything to deserve disownment, yet his father loved him unconditionally. His father didn’t make him earn this love—it flowed freely.
This modern parable echoes the truth of Luke 15:11-32 and illustrates God’s love for us. No matter how far we’ve fallen, His love is unconditional, unearned, and unchanging.
The Misconception: Earning God’s Love
Many believe they must earn God’s love, carrying misconceptions rooted in human relationships or misunderstandings about God. These myths create unnecessary burdens and distance us from His grace.
- “I have to be perfect for God to love me.”
This belief leads to perfectionism, making us feel like God’s love is conditional on flawless behavior. But Ephesians 2:8-9 (NLT) reminds us: “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.”
What is grace? Grace is God’s unmerited favor—a free gift we don’t deserve. It’s His kindness and mercy given to us because of who He is, not because of anything we’ve done.
What is faith? Faith is trusting in God and His promises, believing that Jesus paid the price for our sins. It’s about accepting what He’s already done, not focusing on what we do.
What does it mean to be saved? Salvation rescues us from sin and its consequences, restores our relationship with God, and grants us eternal life. It’s not a reward but a gift that reflects God’s love and grace.
- “I’ve sinned too much to be loved.”
This is one of the most paralyzing lies we can believe. It convinces us that our failures are beyond God’s forgiveness, leading to shame and isolation. But God’s Word refutes this lie: “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8). This verse reminds us that God’s love isn’t based on our worthiness—it’s rooted in His mercy. No sin is too great for God’s grace except the refusal to accept it (Matthew 12:31-32). Whether it’s a moment of anger or a lifetime of regret, God’s forgiveness is always available.
- “I need to do good works to prove myself.”
Many people think they must earn God’s love through good deeds. This mindset creates constant striving, leaving us exhausted and spiritually discouraged. Ephesians 2:8-9 clearly states that we receive salvation; we do not earn it. While good works are important, they are a response to God’s love, not a requirement to receive it. When we understand this, our service becomes an act of gratitude, not a desperate attempt to gain approval.
Everyday Examples of Unearned Love
We see glimpses of God’s love in everyday life:
- A parent’s love for their newborn. A baby hasn’t done anything to deserve love, yet the parent’s love is overwhelming and instinctual. This mirrors God’s love for us—unearned, unconditional, and unwavering.
- A loyal pet’s affection. Pets love their owners regardless of mood, wealth, or success. This kind of loyalty reflects the faithfulness of God’s love for His children.
- A close friend’s support. True friends love us at our worst, offering grace and encouragement when we feel unlovable. These relationships remind us that love is a gift, not a transaction.
Unearned love is the foundation of God’s relationship with us. It’s not something we achieve but something we receive with open hearts.
What If God’s Love Were Earned?
Imagine having to earn God’s love:
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Only the flawless could approach Him.
If this were true, no one would qualify. Romans 3:23 (NLT) says: “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.” This would lead to despair, as we’d constantly feel unworthy and excluded from His presence.
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Grace would depend on works, leaving us in constant fear of falling short.
This would create anxiety and insecurity, as we’d never know if we’ve done enough. God’s love, however, removes this fear by offering assurance through grace 1 John 4:18 (NLT): “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”
- Love would be conditional, and peace would be unattainable.
Conditional love creates exhaustion and distrust. In contrast, God’s unconditional love gives us peace, knowing that His love is steadfast and eternal Isaiah 54:10 (NLT): “For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken,” says the LORD, who has mercy on you.”
Heroes of Unearned Love: Rahab and Peter
- Rahab: Rahab was a prostitute living in Jericho, a city destined for destruction. Despite her background, Rahab chose to trust God, hiding Israelite spies and protecting their mission (Joshua 2). Her faith saved her family and secured her place in the lineage of Jesus (Matthew 1:5). Rahab’s story demonstrates that God’s grace is greater than our past, and He can use anyone for His purpose.
- Peter: Peter, one of Jesus’ closest disciples, denied Him three times during His trial (Luke 22:54-62). Despite this betrayal, Jesus forgave Peter and restored him, making him a leader in the early church. On Pentecost, Peter boldly proclaimed the Gospel, leading thousands to salvation (Acts 2). Peter’s story reminds us that failure doesn’t disqualify us from God’s plan. His love and grace restore and equip us.
Invitation: Rest in God’s Love
Embrace God’s love as a gift, not as a prize you must earn. “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28 (NLT)). This invitation reflects God’s desire for us to stop striving and trust in His grace.
Unlike earned love, which creates anxiety and insecurity, God’s love offers peace and assurance. Romans 8:38-39 (NLT) reminds us: “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love… indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Resting in His love means releasing the burden of performance and embracing the freedom found in His grace.
Take time today to reflect on His love, surrender your striving, and trust in His promises.
Other Posts in this Series
- Series Introduction: Breaking the Chains of Inadequacy
- Part 1: Unmasking the Lies we Believe
- Poem: Breaking the Chains of Inadequacy
- Poem: The Lies We Believe
- Poem: The Gift of Grace
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