The Greater the Love, the Deeper the Grief: My Grief Journey
My Grief Journey: A Universal Yet Personal Journey
Grief is a deeply personal yet universal experience that connects us through the shared reality of loss. My grief journey began early, at 18, when I faced the heartbreaking loss of my grandmother. Her love shaped my youth, and her absence left a void I was unprepared to face. That was just the beginning. By my mid-30s, I had buried both my mother and my oldest sister, experiencing a dual loss that shook the very foundations of my life. Then, just over a year apart, I lost my other two sisters, each death compounding the grief.
These experiences, as devastating as they were, seemed to prepare me for future losses. Yet, nothing could prepare me for the pain of losing my wife, Wendy, on April 2, 2024. Wendy was my partner, my confidante, and my rock. Her passing left an indescribable void. As I now navigate the first holiday season without her, I feel compelled to share my journey with you. My hope is to bring comfort and hope to others who are on a similar path. Though the journey of grief may never truly be complete, scripture assures us that we do not walk it alone.
One thought has stayed with me throughout this journey: the greater the love, the deeper the grief. Wendy and I shared a love that was profound and enduring, which is why the loss feels so overwhelming. Yet, in the depths of grief, God’s promises have been a source of strength and hope.
Why Write About My Grief Journey?
Grief is a deeply emotional and often isolating experience. This blog series was born from my desire to connect with others who are also walking through loss. My journey has taught me that while grief is unique to each individual, God’s love and His Word remain steadfast. In this series, we will explore the lessons God has revealed to me through His Word, the importance of family and community, and the profound impact of small gestures of kindness.
It’s important to recognize that just because someone looks like they are doing fine, they may not be okay. They might be putting on a brave face, but underneath the smile is often a person who is deeply hurting. When they are alone, they may not be fine at all. You see, when you lose your wife, you lose far more than just a spouse. For me, after work was our time to sit down and catch up on each other’s day. We ate every meal together. We watched the same news show every evening, but it would take us two hours because we paused frequently to add our own commentary and share our thoughts on the topics of the day. Now it takes an hour, because there is no discussion.
On the weekends, we did everything together, always stopping around 4 p.m. to spend the rest of the evening talking. In the winter, we’d watch our favorite TV shows, and in warmer months, we’d sit on the back porch watching the birds and enjoying each other’s company. The hardest part of grief is the feeling of separation—the sudden loneliness that creeps in when the routines you shared with your spouse are no longer there. For me, that loneliness has been especially overwhelming after 32 years of marriage.
A Series of Healing and Hope
This introduction is just the first step in our journey together. Over the next seven posts, we will dive into the many facets of grief, drawing from biblical truths and personal experiences to provide guidance, comfort, and hope:
- Grief Is a Natural Response – Learning to embrace pain as an expression of love and loss.
- God Is Close to the Brokenhearted – Discovering His comforting presence in moments of sorrow.
- Grief Can Lead to Deeper Dependence on God – Finding peace through surrender and faith.
- God Comforts Us So We Can Comfort Others – Using our experiences to minister to others.
- Grief Is Temporary for Believers – Holding on to the promise of eternal life and hope.
- Hope in the Resurrection – Living in the assurance of Christ’s victory over death.
- God Can Use Grief for Good – Trusting Him to transform pain into purpose.
Each post will blend personal reflections with biblical insights, offering a roadmap for finding peace and purpose in the midst of loss.
My Grief Journey: From Loss to Hope
The Challenges of Thanksgiving without Wendy
The loss of Wendy this past year has been the most profound grief I have ever experienced. It didn’t matter that I had faced significant losses before; nothing could prepare me for this. Wendy was more than my wife; she was my best friend and partner in everything. The days and weeks following her passing were a whirlwind of anger, sorrow, confusion, and faith.
The period from Thanksgiving to Christmas was especially difficult, as loneliness became the hardest part of grief to overcome. A close second, though, was the loss of traditions. November and December were Wendy’s favorite months. She loved planning Thanksgiving, which was almost always at our house. One of Wendy’s many gifts was the gift of hospitality. Weeks in advance, she would meticulously design every detail—how the tables would be decorated, where to put the food, the drinks, and the desserts. She ensured the house was perfect, filled with the smells of cooking that signaled the holiday had arrived. This year, Thanksgiving was still at our house, but it was nothing like before. I didn’t plan much, and the house was far from perfect. The comforting smells of holiday cooking were missing.
The day after Thanksgiving marked what would have been our 33rd wedding anniversary. In years past, we didn’t usually go out or exchange extravagant gifts, but I always cooked for her. It was our tradition—steak, baked potatoes, and a special dessert. This year, it was just air fryer chicken strips.
Christmas Traditions Lost in Grief
Christmas was even harder. Wendy loved transforming our house for the season. Starting the day after Thanksgiving, she would decorate with two to five Christmas trees, set up our snow village, and begin her annual baking spree. The house would be filled with the aroma of fudge, cookies, and candies. Her world-famous sugar cookies were always my favorite. I’d eat them for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even a late-night snack with eggnog. This year, there were no trees, no snow village, and no sugar cookies.
A Lonely Christmas Morning
Christmas morning followed its own cherished traditions. We’d wake up, she’d grab her coffee, and I’d get my Diet Dr. Pepper. She’d bake sausage balls, and we’d go through our stockings. Her stocking always included odds and ends, but mostly Bath and Body Works body wash—something she absolutely loved. After stockings, we’d exchange gifts. Despite our promises to cut back, there were always 10-15 presents each. It took hours to open them, and then we’d get ready for the family Christmas.
This year, there were no sausage balls, no stockings, and no presents—just loneliness until it was time for the family gathering. I share these memories not to seek pity but to paint a picture of the deep loneliness that accompanies the loss of a spouse. Yet, through it all, God has been my anchor. In this series, I will share how His Word and presence have carried me through these moments of profound grief.
Two scriptures that have been a great comfort to me are:
Isaiah 41:10 (NLT) – Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NLT) – That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever. So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
What You Can Expect in This Series
As we embark on this journey together, my goal is to provide not only comfort but also practical wisdom. Here are the topics we will explore in depth:
- Acknowledging Grief as Natural: Understanding that mourning is a normal and necessary process.
- Feeling God’s Presence: Recognizing His nearness even when we feel alone.
- Surrendering to God: Leaning on Him in moments of despair.
- Using Grief for Ministry: How our pain can become a tool for helping others.
- Finding Hope in Eternity: Trusting in God’s promise of eternal life.
- Living in Resurrection Power: Drawing strength from Christ’s victory over death.
- Transforming Pain into Purpose: Allowing God to shape our grief into something beautiful.
A Community of Comfort and Faith
One of the most important lessons I have learned is the power of community. Simple acts—a hug, a text, a kind word—have made an enormous difference in my journey. These small gestures remind us that we are not alone. Family, whether biological or chosen through the church, plays a critical role in our healing. Faith, too, is a cornerstone, grounding us in God’s unchanging love and promises.
My Journey Through Grief With Faith
My prayer for you is that through this series, you will find comfort and hope. Grief is a heavy burden, but it is not without hope. God’s Word assures us that His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). Together, let’s explore how faith can transform our grief into a testimony of God’s love and faithfulness.
This is a poem a wrote about this blog: In the Quiet of Grief – A Poem
Call to Action: Join Us on This Journey
Help us grow our community and share the message of hope by following our Facebook page, Disciple Blueprint, at https://www.facebook.com/discipleblueprint. Like, follow, and share the page to spread encouragement to others. You can also stay updated by signing up for our monthly newsletter using the form below. Let’s walk this path of grief and faith together, finding strength in God and one another.
