How to Build a Godly Home When You Didn’t Grow Up in One
I can’t sing The Old Rugged Cross without thinking about my grandmother.
I didn’t grow up in what anyone would describe as a godly home. My mom didn’t attend church, and we didn’t have family devotions or sit around the dinner table talking about the Bible. I don’t remember anyone praying with me before I went to bed. God simply wasn’t a significant part of our family life.
But my grandmother was different.
She was a godly lady, and almost every day she would sit down at the piano and play hymns. I can still picture her sitting there and hear her singing. One of the songs she played over and over was The Old Rugged Cross, and more than sixty years later, I still can’t sing that hymn without thinking about her.
At the time, I doubt she thought she was teaching me anything. She wasn’t sitting me down for a Bible lesson or explaining theology to me. Instead, she was simply living out her faith where I could see it.
Looking back, I realize just how much that mattered.
God Was Planting Seeds Along the Way
During the summer, I was allowed to attend Vacation Bible School at a church about two miles from our house. Of course, this was a different time, because at six years old I was allowed to walk those two miles to church by myself. Today somebody would probably call Child Protective Services before I made it halfway there.
But I made that walk, and it was at Vacation Bible School that I first met Jesus and trusted Him as my Savior.
After that, I started walking to church by myself on Sunday mornings. I would attend Sunday School and then walk back home because, even at six years old, I didn’t want to sit through the worship service by myself.
When I was in third grade, we moved, and a church near our new home had a bus ministry. They began picking me up every Sunday morning. At that church, I entered a Scripture memorization contest and won. The prize was registration for church camp.
I still remember climbing into the van to leave for camp as a fourth grader. I was frightened because I didn’t know what to expect, but I went.
Then, when I entered fifth grade, we moved again. This time we were outside the church’s bus ministry area. Without someone to take me, I stopped attending church and wouldn’t begin regularly attending again until I was an adult.
Years later, I became a father myself and suddenly had a responsibility I wasn’t prepared for.
I wanted my son to grow up knowing God, but how was I supposed to build a godly home when I had never grown up in one?
The Pattern You Inherited Doesn’t Have to Continue
Maybe that’s where you find yourself today.
Perhaps your parents loved you and provided for you, but God simply wasn’t part of everyday life. Nobody took you to church, prayed with you, opened the Bible with you or showed you what following Jesus looked like Monday through Saturday.
Or maybe the patterns you grew up with were more difficult. Perhaps your home was filled with anger, broken relationships, addiction or instability. Now that you have a family of your own, you know you want something different.
Here’s what I wish someone had told me when I became a father:
You cannot change the home you grew up in, but you can decide what you pass on.
God gives parents a picture of what that can look like in Deuteronomy:
“These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” — Deuteronomy 6:6–7 (CSB)
I’ve always been struck by how ordinary that sounds. God isn’t describing a complicated family discipleship program. He’s talking about sitting around the house, walking down the road, going to bed and getting up in the morning. His Word is supposed to become part of the normal rhythm of life.
But notice where the passage begins: “These words…are to be in your heart.”
Before you can pass something on, you have to possess it yourself.
That means building a godly home doesn’t begin with creating a family devotional schedule or signing your children up for another church program. It begins with your own relationship with God.
Learn His Word. Follow Him. Allow Him to change you.
Then live that faith where your family can see it.
I Really Could Have Used a Book on Spiritual Leadership
When I became a father, I would have appreciated it if God had placed another book somewhere between Proverbs and Ecclesiastes called The Book of Spiritual Leadership: Everything Raymond Needs to Know About Raising a Son.
Unfortunately, He didn’t.
So I learned along the way, and I made plenty of mistakes while I was learning.
Looking back, I wish we had prayed together more consistently. I wish I had shared God’s Word in our home more often. There were conversations I should have had and opportunities I probably missed because I was busy, tired or simply didn’t recognize them at the time.
As my own relationship with God grew, however, I began to understand that spiritual leadership wasn’t about creating the perfect Christian household. It was about faithfully pointing my family toward Christ through the priorities and choices of everyday life.
Some Things Became Settled Priorities
For Wendy and me, one of those priorities was church.
We didn’t wake up Sunday morning and take a family vote about whether everyone felt like going. If it was Sunday and we weren’t sick or there wasn’t some legitimate reason we couldn’t attend, we went. Our children attended Sunday School, participated in AWANA and later became involved in youth group.
Serving was another priority our children saw lived out.
Over the years I served as a teacher, deacon, men’s ministry leader and AWANA commander, along with doing plenty of other work around the church. Wendy served every day as the administrator of the Christian school our children attended. She also taught in church and spent Wednesday evenings helping prepare dinner for those involved in the church’s Wednesday night programs.
Our children didn’t just hear us say serving God was important. They saw that belief affect our calendars and our priorities.
They also watched our marriage. Wendy and I loved each other deeply, and while our marriage certainly wasn’t perfect, our children saw us encourage one another, support one another and stand beside one another.
We Weren’t the Only Godly Voices in Their Lives
Another thing I’m grateful for is that our children had more spiritual influences than just Mom and Dad.
Most of our close friends were people from our church. Our children knew our pastor well and were surrounded by Christian adults who cared about them.
I remember seeing my son sitting on the tailgate of a truck one day talking with one of the men from our church. Something was going on that he didn’t want to discuss with me.
Rather than being upset, I was thankful he had someone else to talk to.
I knew this man, trusted him and knew he would give my son advice grounded in God’s Word. He called me afterward and told me about their conversation.
That experience helped reinforce something I’ve come to believe strongly: part of leading your family well is making sure you’re not the only godly voice in your children’s lives.
What Does Faithfulness Look Like in Your Home?
It’s easy for me to tell you to be faithful. That’s not very helpful if nobody ever showed you what faithfulness looks like.
So let’s make this practical.
Let Your Children See You in God’s Word
If God’s Word is important to you, don’t make your relationship with it invisible.
I’m not suggesting putting on a performance. Just let your children occasionally see you sitting at the kitchen table with your Bible open. When something challenges you or answers a question you’ve been wrestling with, share it naturally.
You might simply say over dinner, “I read something this morning that I’ve been thinking about all day.”
Then tell them about it.
You’re showing them that the Bible isn’t just a book the pastor talks about on Sunday. God’s Word has something to say about Tuesday afternoon too.
Make Church a Priority Instead of a Weekly Decision
Obviously there are times when someone is sick, you’re traveling or circumstances genuinely prevent you from attending church. I’m not talking about legalism.
I’m talking about priority.
Children learn what matters to us by watching what consistently wins when things compete for our time. Find a Bible-believing local church where your family can worship, learn, develop Christian relationships and serve. Make participation in that church part of your family’s normal rhythm.
Pray About Real Life
You don’t need a thirty-minute family prayer meeting every night.
Start with what’s happening in your child’s life.
If they’re nervous about a test tomorrow, pray with them. When they’re worried about a friend, pray for that friend together. When your family faces a difficult decision, let your children hear you ask God for wisdom.
In doing that, you’re teaching them something bigger than how to say a prayer. You’re showing them that the circumstances of everyday life can be brought before God.
Talk About God’s Word Naturally
This is where Deuteronomy 6 becomes very practical.
Something happens at school. Talk about it.
Perhaps your child sees something online and asks what you think. Explain not only what you believe but why you believe it.
When your family has to make a difficult decision, let your children see that one of the questions you ask is, “What would honor God?”
You don’t need to turn every conversation into a sermon. Just learn to recognize the opportunities already in front of you.
Let Them Watch You Serve
Children need to see that Christianity isn’t a spectator sport.
Let them see you help someone who needs help. Allow them to watch you give your time when the church needs workers. When appropriate, take them with you and let them serve alongside you.
At the same time, give them relationships with faithful Christians outside your immediate family. There may come a day when your child doesn’t want to talk to you about something.
That’s okay.
Make sure there are some godly people sitting on nearby tailgates.
Let Them See What Happens When You Get It Wrong
Your children are going to discover that you’re not perfect. I hate to break that news to you, but they’re probably already onto you.
So don’t pretend otherwise.
When you lose your temper, admit it. If you speak harshly, apologize. When you’ve sinned against your child, ask for forgiveness.
Sometimes one of the strongest spiritual lessons you can give your child is simply saying, “I was wrong. What I did wasn’t right, and I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?”
You’re showing them that following Jesus isn’t about pretending we never sin. It’s about what we do when we recognize that we have.
Pick One Place to Begin
If you’ve read this far and realized you’re doing almost none of these things, don’t respond by trying to overhaul your entire family by tomorrow morning.
Pick one place to begin.
Perhaps tonight you pray with your child for the first time. This week you might open your Bible where your family can see you instead of keeping your time with God completely private. If church has gradually become something your family attends only when nothing else gets in the way, maybe that’s the priority that needs to change.
Whatever it is, begin there and keep doing it.
Patterns aren’t usually changed by one dramatic moment. They’re changed when different choices are repeated long enough that they become the new normal.
I Still Hear My Grandmother Singing
More than sixty years later, I still think about my grandmother sitting at that piano.
I couldn’t give you a list of spiritual lessons she intentionally taught me. Nor do I remember her explaining how to build a godly home or giving me instructions about how I should someday raise my children.
What I remember is much simpler.
I knew she loved Jesus because I saw it.
Every time I sing The Old Rugged Cross, I’m reminded that a little boy was paying attention when she probably didn’t even know he was watching.
Your family is watching too.
Maybe nobody showed you what a godly home looks like. Perhaps you’re learning how to follow Jesus while you’re also trying to teach your children to follow Him.
That’s okay. You don’t need a perfect childhood behind you before God can use you in your family today.
Learn His Word, follow Him and let your children see what He’s doing in your life. Then bring them alongside you as you grow.
You can’t change the home you grew up in. But by God’s grace, you can change the pattern you pass down.
Keep Going With the Start at Home Series
This post is part of our Start at Home series, where we’re looking at what Scripture says about changing a broken society by starting with the places God has already given us responsibility—our own lives, our families and our churches.
If you missed any of the earlier posts, or you’d like to start the series from the beginning, you can find the complete series here:
Listen to the Companion Podcasts
We also have companion episodes of the Disciple Blueprint Podcast that take these conversations further. You can listen on most popular podcast platforms or find all of our episodes here:
Listen to the Disciple Blueprint Podcast
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